Serenity

lamp 425_pix

I inhale sharply

the pain constricts

like a boa making

its way thru my ribs

 

It hurts, the fear mocks

me as if to say,

“I WIN”

I slump forward

 

But the flash of light

pulls me backward

its warmth too

hard to resist

 

It’s only then I realize

courage does exist

right here, right now

warmth of light shows me how

©Sandi Martinez

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Divine You

tree_550 pix

Sheets of light

Wrap around me

And then flow through me

And suddenly underneath me

 

As if I’m walking on light

So bright

The reflection of white

Bounces back and all around

 

On the ground

Tears abound

How can I deserve this?

Silence, not a sound

 

I close my eyes

Blinding streaks

Burn through

And then I see finally,

The Divine you

 

©Sandi Martinez

No Excuses…

turtle

Shame on me… my last post appears to be in December of 2017. So, why post now? Four months later?

While I may have no excuses, I suppose I have my reasons. Creativity poses not only opportunities to express, but also, to stop; in stillness  – to look around, to listen to something, albeit a lot of nothing. I think this is where meditation comes in. So why tie meditation and creativity together in this oddball way?

Doesn’t an artist simply splash a bunch of their genius on canvas at any time during the day or night? With nothing to stop or distract from the creative  process? I wish I could give plenty of answers or reasons why an artist, regardless of the medium, creates their best, or worst work…

The turtle may take its sweet time to get from point A, to point B, and in doing so, wastes no time in asking the how’s or why’s in life. I can hazard a guess as to what the turtle is really thinking: Get there in one piece, and watch out for anything that might tip me over…

“Anything that may tip me over”. And that’s where I came to complete stop.

I’ve spent a great deal of the last part of 2017, getting turned back over. Life, challenges, obstacles, self-trepidation, self-delusion, and self-forgiveness led me here – now – to a place of peace. Alas, 2018 has been about peace. The maintenance, nurturing, and suckling of peace, in all areas of my life. Does this mean I only create when there is chaos, confusion, and bunch of badness in my life? Yes and no. The reality is, where there is black, there is white. Evil, there is a sacred energy flowing through everything and everyone. Where there is good, there is bad. A negative has its positive.

Creativity’s job, is to present these energies in their truest forms. I can see better when I have a full unobstructed view of what’s real and what isn’t. Therefore, I create with full expression – unanswerable to all that would require an explanation of the unexplainable. And this is where I will leave it… the quest to express without prejudice, the beauty of all that is, coming to be, and all that is yet to be born – whether good, evil, black, white, and in color.

Many blessings,

Sandi

Wingless

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I float, skies are brilliant blue

how do I get back to you

me, the reflection stares back

pointing fingers in mid-flight

sideways, up, down,

How do I get back to you, ME…

The air feels smooth, cool

Do I want to come back to Me, You

The reflections smears

Fingerprints unknown

How do I get back to me?

Do I land now, how?

Wingless I left

Wingless I return

No way to land safely

The ground gets closer

I close my eyes

You cheer me on, ME

I can no longer see clearly

My eyes closed,

I come in for the landing

Dirt, rocks, brush, you, YOU, finally you…

©Sandi Martinez

 

 

Polarity

butterflies_450 pix

Dark crawls through jagged edges of

light

Light, suspends its wings

it stops, mid-flight

The flicker pauses

unsure of day or night

Black streaks break up the bright

as flickers of white

race to make it alright

Dark is lost

suspended in time

All can be seen in its

infinite divine

… Dark is lost

 ©Sandi Martinez

In the rough

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When I first took this pic (above), it was spring of this year, 2017. The vibrant colors spoke to me. The star-like image in the center of this beautiful flower, reminded me that life always begins. Even when it ends. Winter had just wrapped up – the ground had already thawed.

As I look at my life now – mid-summer – hot, sticky, and well, wonderfully warm, I am brought back to this image. All life is now in full-bloom. All gardens are mature, and flowering… smiling. But somehow, I feel a bit rough around the edges. As if I’m not quite myself, and yet all the changes I’ve been through, have led me here: to a moment of understanding.

All life will continue living. Being. All the changes I’ve encountered mirror that. Though it hasn’t felt like it, this I realize is my inner truth: Through all the unknowns, worries, and more worries, one thing remains true, life continues to unfold. Will I continue to move with that sure movement, or will I hang  back observing, as if it isn’t my life?

I’d like to. Because the worst feeling is to feel as if there is no choice. My choice? Flow with the waters that eventually lead to the oceans of time, life, and love. Flow with universe and trust all has its own time. Trust that the universal power has the upper hand.

Oh, and smell the lovely roses in bloom, because soon, my favorite season will come: fall… in all its raving mad, colorful beauty!

 

A Look Back

WP Snow_Pecos.jpg[Photo Credit: Sandi Martinez]

Wind stops

snow flakes sparkle

seconds pass

spurs on mind’s chaos

winter coats the ground

a crunch underfoot

soon sprouts of green

will grow

just as my thoughts turn to snow

A look back

no better than before

better to know

nowhere to go

but back around

to solid, wet ground

back around to a past

come back around

the cold blows

my mind

knows

time

to

go

by Sandi Martinez

The world of editing

In many ways, editing your own work can create a sense of dread. I say this because I’ve finished the first book of a trilogy that I’m writing, and am now in the editing phase. As I edit, I find I have to change things I liked when I first put the words down. Now, I find I have to change a lot… this puts my story in a very malleable and twisted state. It means that I have to shift other parts later in the story to align with the beginning.

While this is somewhat painful, I feel it is a very important and necessary plight to contend with. I am no longer the creative writer. I am the critic who now nit-pics and picks apart every sentence, adjusting and changing words, and reminding myself that it’s all for the best. There are days I don’t want to edit. Times I tell myself I can do it ‘later’. But the truth is, it’s a long process and I don’t like having to change the things I’m seeing, but beg to be transformed.

In the next few posts, I would like to share some excerpts of my book prior to publishing. I will need your input and brutal honesty. I’ve written this story for you – the readers.

… Stay tuned.

Many blessings,

Sandi