Too long

0715152002

Double rainbow… (Image: Sandi Martinez)

Subtlety has never been a big strength of mine. In fact, I’m always ready to give anyone and everyone whom I interact with, a steady dose of frankness. I couldn’t possible do it any other way. And so it’s for this reason, I write frankly – now.

I couldn’t get into my WordPress account and failed miserably every time I tried. And so today, a miracle happened… First, I decided not to give up so easily and kept trying until it worked. Second, I realized I had made too many excuses. See, I’ve started my second installment to my trilogy, Divine Wars; the Awakening. However, I’ve not been writing like I know I should. Like all other writers will tell you, write, write, and write, even if just a paragraph, or half a page, or a whole page… though I wholly agree, I must say, it’s never that easy.

And of course anything else I say, will just sound like more excuses. So I’ll be honest. I started off on the wrong foot. I let my ego take the driver’s side rather than follow the magical and easy way that creativity makes its way though me; lightning that strikes deep within. Words I don’t try hard to put together, are suddenly strung snugly and wound tight around each other, as the words flow. The result? A rich story I could have never written on my own – my ego is too full of itself for that – yet as I write this, I feel whole again. Even this one entry, so few words, gives me hope and inspiration to keep going. I share this with all of you creators… don’t be hard on yourself, just don’t give up. Whatever you do, keep writing, keep painting, keep dancing, keep creating music, open your heart to the divine, and know a wellspring of magic awaits to pour from you and out to the world. Don’t be greedy… like I’ve been.

 

Many blessings,  Sandi

The true gifts of ‘catch and release’

Abiquiu Lake, New Mexico (Image: Sandi)

Abiquiu Lake, New Mexico (Image: Sandi)

A little over a month has gone by now since I published my book, Divine Wars; the Awakening. And though I’ve started the second installment in a trilogy, I am at a loss as to how to proceed. You see, the awakening happened at a time in my life when I literally was ‘waking up’. I should tone it down though by being more honest and casting it in the light that it really shines: I began heavily shifting from one mindset to several. I no longer lived an ordinary life. By that I mean, not only was I doing my daily duties at my job, my home, and other important tasks that called my attention – I began to feel and live the other dimensions – the ones that we pass by so happily ignorantly in bliss.

I don’t like admitting that I can no longer write in the same capacity as I had been. It took me a year and four months to write the awakening. Now, it seems I live my life battling divine wars in one way or another. By the way, a priest, or other clergies of the church might know exactly what I’m talking about. The conundrum, is I am no priest, nun, or clergy of the church as we know it. I simply am me, seeing and feeling my way through life in ways that others simply don’t, or aren’t capable of. Not because they are not able to, but because they have not awakened.

So, I live my life now, trying to strike a balance. A job, my home, my writing, and not necessarily in that order. The second installment calls for extreme measures. A writing schedule (though not of any doing of my own) must be hatched carefully. My divine guardians are patient, but for how much longer? My divine guidance is potent, but how am I to reign it in, and make the most of a story that has already been written?

Angels and demons, the war continues, and has been quite alive and well since the day it started. My divine muse comes in many different shapes and sizes, and wears the most elegant of satin, lace, and a material so sheer, you’d think there is but naked flesh underneath… a bit like silk, but even thinner and more transparent… don’t fret, if you really want a muse like this, they are but an invite away…

Until I can find my rhythm once again, I am awash with worry, guilt, and confusion. How will I find the time and the perfect place, and environment to continue on with the second installment? I don’t expect any answers believe it or not, I’m just ranting and raving over something that will in one way or another, solve itself as it always has. But I do thank you for listening…

Walk, don’t run

Road to the boat ramp in Abiquiu NM-Abiquiu Lake. (Image: Sandi Martinez)

Road to the boat ramp in Abiquiu NM-Abiquiu Lake. (Image: Sandi Martinez)

 

So I came to the realization that running is only just that, ‘running’.  However when walking, I can see so much more.  I can see the sun as it hovers over the earth, and how the colors change and make everything come alive.  I can nearly count leaves on trees, and count trees, and the bushes around them.  I can see how the clouds take shape and become something else, only to turn back into a shapeless shape.

So what I am running from has nothing to do with running away from something – rather it is the illusion that something is better elsewhere.  It is the lie I tell myself when things get rough, and I am too selfish to commit.  I once had a great friend tell me: “You run from commitment”.  Understand, this friend knows me well.  I was bothered by those words and weighed them carefully.

Why should I run toward things or people that wish to dismiss my efforts?  Why should I run towards those whom don’t?  I’ve known for quite some time, that if I run, my tail eventually slaps me in the face!  It hurts: It’s a whipping of sorts that calls for all the drama and sound effects in a bad movie.

So, my first step is to face myself.  In understanding that at the moment, there is nothing to run from, or run toward, I can relax and just keep walking… now where are those great Sketcher walking shoes I am in heaven in, when I walk the solid earth beneath my feet?

Many blessings,

Sandi