The thing about writing

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Writing really, truly, is a creative and nearly magical process. Even in writing works of non-fiction, there is this place the creator must be: In the head. The mind becomes a block of words. Words that must capture what is funneling through the writer’s mind – thus depositing in as much as a transparent, and articulate flow of intention as possible – into the reader’s mind.

All writers know this. But the thing about writing, is that ‘getting there’ to that place of magical depositing, is the most difficult and frustrating process of writing. Because once you are there, the words take on this wonderful world of their own. Almost as if the words don’t need the writer anymore.

I wish I could be there more often. I wish I could get out of my head, and let the flow of creativity flow through my body, where it would then circle around back and dump all that colorful and wonderful world of magic that has ceased to exist into my empty mind.

But the truth is, I’ve needed to empty my mind. A mental hibernation of sorts was called for in order to get me here; writing this piece about not being there. And so I wait. I wait for the warmth of words, and the fire in the belly, that will expose them and order them into a semblance of story – a perfect chaos of magical ironies, and a hot mess of emotions that will spur me to keep tapping on these keys.

So until then folks… keep writing, reading, and writing until you find yourself again, should you be in a similar place.

Many blessings,

Sandi

 

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No Excuses…

turtle

Shame on me… my last post appears to be in December of 2017. So, why post now? Four months later?

While I may have no excuses, I suppose I have my reasons. Creativity poses not only opportunities to express, but also, to stop; in stillness  – to look around, to listen to something, albeit a lot of nothing. I think this is where meditation comes in. So why tie meditation and creativity together in this oddball way?

Doesn’t an artist simply splash a bunch of their genius on canvas at any time during the day or night? With nothing to stop or distract from the creative  process? I wish I could give plenty of answers or reasons why an artist, regardless of the medium, creates their best, or worst work…

The turtle may take its sweet time to get from point A, to point B, and in doing so, wastes no time in asking the how’s or why’s in life. I can hazard a guess as to what the turtle is really thinking: Get there in one piece, and watch out for anything that might tip me over…

“Anything that may tip me over”. And that’s where I came to complete stop.

I’ve spent a great deal of the last part of 2017, getting turned back over. Life, challenges, obstacles, self-trepidation, self-delusion, and self-forgiveness led me here – now – to a place of peace. Alas, 2018 has been about peace. The maintenance, nurturing, and suckling of peace, in all areas of my life. Does this mean I only create when there is chaos, confusion, and bunch of badness in my life? Yes and no. The reality is, where there is black, there is white. Evil, there is a sacred energy flowing through everything and everyone. Where there is good, there is bad. A negative has its positive.

Creativity’s job, is to present these energies in their truest forms. I can see better when I have a full unobstructed view of what’s real and what isn’t. Therefore, I create with full expression – unanswerable to all that would require an explanation of the unexplainable. And this is where I will leave it… the quest to express without prejudice, the beauty of all that is, coming to be, and all that is yet to be born – whether good, evil, black, white, and in color.

Many blessings,

Sandi

Wingless

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I float, skies are brilliant blue

how do I get back to you

me, the reflection stares back

pointing fingers in mid-flight

sideways, up, down,

How do I get back to you, ME…

The air feels smooth, cool

Do I want to come back to Me, You

The reflections smears

Fingerprints unknown

How do I get back to me?

Do I land now, how?

Wingless I left

Wingless I return

No way to land safely

The ground gets closer

I close my eyes

You cheer me on, ME

I can no longer see clearly

My eyes closed,

I come in for the landing

Dirt, rocks, brush, you, YOU, finally you…

©Sandi Martinez

 

 

Polarity

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Dark crawls through jagged edges of

light

Light, suspends its wings

it stops, mid-flight

The flicker pauses

unsure of day or night

Black streaks break up the bright

as flickers of white

race to make it alright

Dark is lost

suspended in time

All can be seen in its

infinite divine

… Dark is lost

 ©Sandi Martinez

Too long

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Double rainbow… (Image: Sandi Martinez)

Subtlety has never been a big strength of mine. In fact, I’m always ready to give anyone and everyone whom I interact with, a steady dose of frankness. I couldn’t possible do it any other way. And so it’s for this reason, I write frankly – now.

I couldn’t get into my WordPress account and failed miserably every time I tried. And so today, a miracle happened… First, I decided not to give up so easily and kept trying until it worked. Second, I realized I had made too many excuses. See, I’ve started my second installment to my trilogy, Divine Wars; the Awakening. However, I’ve not been writing like I know I should. Like all other writers will tell you, write, write, and write, even if just a paragraph, or half a page, or a whole page… though I wholly agree, I must say, it’s never that easy.

And of course anything else I say, will just sound like more excuses. So I’ll be honest. I started off on the wrong foot. I let my ego take the driver’s side rather than follow the magical and easy way that creativity makes its way though me; lightning that strikes deep within. Words I don’t try hard to put together, are suddenly strung snugly and wound tight around each other, as the words flow. The result? A rich story I could have never written on my own – my ego is too full of itself for that – yet as I write this, I feel whole again. Even this one entry, so few words, gives me hope and inspiration to keep going. I share this with all of you creators… don’t be hard on yourself, just don’t give up. Whatever you do, keep writing, keep painting, keep dancing, keep creating music, open your heart to the divine, and know a wellspring of magic awaits to pour from you and out to the world. Don’t be greedy… like I’ve been.

 

Many blessings,  Sandi

On Pause

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Very recently, I had stopped by a gas station on my way to work to buy a breakfast burrito. Well, as I am preparing to open the door, there was a man who looked strangely at me. I wondered why. I am not a big preen queen, but I know I didn’t look that scary… then I realized it wasn’t me he was looking at. As I continue to write my Divine Wars trilogy, I am ever surprised at the closeness and love that I am experiencing on a daily basis with my guardian angels.

The man wasn’t looking at me, he was looking at one of my angel’s who appeared very big and frightening. And so when his eyes widened it had to be a surprise to see them. I say ‘them’ because I don’t really know how many were with me. I felt the presences of archangel Michael, but I couldn’t be sure. I almost felt a pang of jealousy that the stranger could see him, and I couldn’t. That’s how it is, I can sense and hear them – communicate fully with them – but I can never really see them. I think maybe it’s better that way.

However, going back to the man. I opened the door, and he carefully sidestepped me. I couldn’t figure out if maybe I was in danger, or something. The man looked a bit shady, but I try not to judge the book by its cover. I just want to remind all of you that your guardian angels are real. They love you and protect you always.

I wonder if they ever think we are selfish and spoiled humans? I know when I have my conversations with my angels they are very loving, gentle, and kind. In order to forge a relationship with your angels, it’s imperative that you not think bad or negative thoughts about yourself. You are not crazy, you are not insane or ‘losing it’. You simply are awakening… reach out to your guardians… they are real. They are really, really, real.

-Many blessings, Sandi

Beads

Beads of sweat roll down

in the nick of time,

I catch mine

in the nick of time,

I turn around

and wait to see if you

can really see

the beads are reflections of you

drops of memories free themselves

as they glide down my soft skin

images of you and me and the way

we were bounce back; times gone by

the ones we remember

and the ones that roll around loosely

the string that holds them

no longer taut, no longer strong

but rather a lazy kind of tug

Beads of parts of ourselves

of who we no longer are

Beads of the future gather

around the ground, the path

we walk on, that once led us to

each other,

and now opens to all directions

Beads roll on down in every direction,

I no longer worry… let them roll

LET

THEM

ROLL

BY

© Sandi Martinez

The true gifts of ‘catch and release’

Abiquiu Lake, New Mexico (Image: Sandi)

Abiquiu Lake, New Mexico (Image: Sandi)

A little over a month has gone by now since I published my book, Divine Wars; the Awakening. And though I’ve started the second installment in a trilogy, I am at a loss as to how to proceed. You see, the awakening happened at a time in my life when I literally was ‘waking up’. I should tone it down though by being more honest and casting it in the light that it really shines: I began heavily shifting from one mindset to several. I no longer lived an ordinary life. By that I mean, not only was I doing my daily duties at my job, my home, and other important tasks that called my attention – I began to feel and live the other dimensions – the ones that we pass by so happily ignorantly in bliss.

I don’t like admitting that I can no longer write in the same capacity as I had been. It took me a year and four months to write the awakening. Now, it seems I live my life battling divine wars in one way or another. By the way, a priest, or other clergies of the church might know exactly what I’m talking about. The conundrum, is I am no priest, nun, or clergy of the church as we know it. I simply am me, seeing and feeling my way through life in ways that others simply don’t, or aren’t capable of. Not because they are not able to, but because they have not awakened.

So, I live my life now, trying to strike a balance. A job, my home, my writing, and not necessarily in that order. The second installment calls for extreme measures. A writing schedule (though not of any doing of my own) must be hatched carefully. My divine guardians are patient, but for how much longer? My divine guidance is potent, but how am I to reign it in, and make the most of a story that has already been written?

Angels and demons, the war continues, and has been quite alive and well since the day it started. My divine muse comes in many different shapes and sizes, and wears the most elegant of satin, lace, and a material so sheer, you’d think there is but naked flesh underneath… a bit like silk, but even thinner and more transparent… don’t fret, if you really want a muse like this, they are but an invite away…

Until I can find my rhythm once again, I am awash with worry, guilt, and confusion. How will I find the time and the perfect place, and environment to continue on with the second installment? I don’t expect any answers believe it or not, I’m just ranting and raving over something that will in one way or another, solve itself as it always has. But I do thank you for listening…