A New Tradition

I’d like to start first, by wishing you all a wonderful Christmas, and an even better and prosperous new year. As I say goodbye to 2016, I’m forced to look back at things I could have done better. At the risk of being a bit hard on myself, I might go as far to say, I know better. Many of you have seen me lately at my worst, with the two dogs that I took upon myself, to find homes for. First, I’d like to thank my nephew Lee, for caring for Ginger at a time I could no longer keep her in my apartment.  As of this moment, Ginger is now being fostered in Abiquiu, NM, by a lovely woman named, Janine, who was working with Donna Leshne from Dew Paws Rescue in Santa Fe, NM.

What started this mess, was the way the situation was mishandled by family members I would have never expected. I see it as throwing Ginger, and Lovey away – they see it as ‘we can’t take care of them anymore’. I know things happen, and life moves us in different directions, and that life in fact, is unpredictable. This however was not the case with Ginger, and Lovey. And so I am stuck with own inability to forgive and move forward. I’m stuck in this strange place of seeing my own pain, disappointments, and betrayals, and am forced to look deep into the chaos. As I do this, I don’t want to open up at the moment. I don’t feel like spending Christmas with family. Lovey, pictured at the left, is still with me and my other two fur-babies, Benji and Azra (pictured at the right).

Part of the magic this time of year, is to extend oneself and offer gifts of friendship, love, support, and kindness, that we normally forget to do during the rest of the year. I  see this as a new opportunity to grow and do something different.

And so, on behalf of Ana Maria, and Marissa Sol Martinez, my two nieces who live in Denver, CO, thank you for giving $40, in presents to Josiah, age 11, and his sister, Shyrae, 7, during this difficult time. Their mother had 3 strokes and almost lost her life. She had to learn to talk again. Her mother Anita moved in to assist her and then on December 10, Anita suffered an aneurism. She went into surgery shortly after to drain fluid from her brain. Anita suffered two massive strokes and was put on life support. Unfortunately, she didn’t make it. Due to the financial hardship the family is now experiencing, Josiah, and Shyrae, were not going to have a Christmas. No presents under the tree. But now, they will – thank you Ana, and Marissa!

I will be spending Christmas not with my family, but rather allowing myself to be a conduit for God’s purpose. I will stop here for now, as I prepare to give out $5 gift cards from McDonald’s, to anyone who appears to need it. This could happen on a  street, at a bus stop, at folks sitting on street corners, or???…

And so I do hope that in this state I’m in – the only thing that can come of it, is good. Not the expression of anger, pain, or disappointment that is useless during times like these. And so I go forth now to take care of myself, and those people who are in need.

Many blessings folks, and give the gift that keeps on giving – generosity.

Sandi

Little bits of love

kids

Hi, I’m Benji. I’m the one on the floor chewing on my toy. The other two on the couch are Lovey (left), and Azra. They kinda blend into the cushions. So, a little about me: I’m a rescue. A lovely young woman by the name of Jenna, rescued me on a busy street in Santa Fe, NM. From there, I spent a bit of time in one amazing home, and then found myself here with my new human, Sandi.  I was infested with fleas, ticks, and had matted hair, was skinny, hungry, scared, and so relieved when Jenna found me. I can’t really, no I don’t want to talk about my previous living arrangements. Let bygone’s be bygone’s. I’m happy now, and have a wonderful little companion with a big heart, and bark. Azra was also rescued literally, by Sandi. She was walking across a busy road where road-kill is abundant, and thankfully Sandi came just in time… she stopped, and picked up Azra, and never let her go.

As for Lovey, well, we are trying to find her a home. She and her friend Ginger (a Jack Russell terrier) both lived on 4-acres with plenty of room to run around. Their humans have gotten to a place of not being able to care for them. They call this ‘old age’. And so Lovey has been hanging out with me and Azra. I like her, and I know Azra is familiar with her already, since she and Ginger came from Sandi’s parent’s. Sandi has been sad and mad. She doesn’t agree with how the whole thing was handled, but me? Well, my opinion is that you can’t tell the future. I was in big trouble, and a wonderful human rescued me. So why can’t this happen for Ginger and Lovey?

Humans use this word, ‘miracle’ often. Well, it was a miracle that I ended up with Azra and Sandi, so I believe that Lovey and Ginger will both end up in very nice homes, with very nice humans. Are you them? Let DewPaws at infodewpaws@gmail.com know you are the one(s).

From a rescue’s perspective, there is nothing more beautiful in life, than to have a human love and care for you – I think this is true for humans too.

Many blessings from Benji, Azra, Lovey, and Ginger… oh, and from my human, Sandi 🙂

 

On Pause

virgin

Very recently, I had stopped by a gas station on my way to work to buy a breakfast burrito. Well, as I am preparing to open the door, there was a man who looked strangely at me. I wondered why. I am not a big preen queen, but I know I didn’t look that scary… then I realized it wasn’t me he was looking at. As I continue to write my Divine Wars trilogy, I am ever surprised at the closeness and love that I am experiencing on a daily basis with my guardian angels.

The man wasn’t looking at me, he was looking at one of my angel’s who appeared very big and frightening. And so when his eyes widened it had to be a surprise to see them. I say ‘them’ because I don’t really know how many were with me. I felt the presences of archangel Michael, but I couldn’t be sure. I almost felt a pang of jealousy that the stranger could see him, and I couldn’t. That’s how it is, I can sense and hear them – communicate fully with them – but I can never really see them. I think maybe it’s better that way.

However, going back to the man. I opened the door, and he carefully sidestepped me. I couldn’t figure out if maybe I was in danger, or something. The man looked a bit shady, but I try not to judge the book by its cover. I just want to remind all of you that your guardian angels are real. They love you and protect you always.

I wonder if they ever think we are selfish and spoiled humans? I know when I have my conversations with my angels they are very loving, gentle, and kind. In order to forge a relationship with your angels, it’s imperative that you not think bad or negative thoughts about yourself. You are not crazy, you are not insane or ‘losing it’. You simply are awakening… reach out to your guardians… they are real. They are really, really, real.

-Many blessings, Sandi

Pain and Grace

Unexpected beauty in the midst of hellish musings. (Image: Sandi's)
Unexpected beauty in the midst of hellish musings. (Image: Sandi’s)

There is no way I can honestly get away from the truth; it seems all kinds of cool things have been happening on my walks at work. Today, I was honored by this Monarch’s presence. During my walk, I had played a video about a vet who had filmed his heartbreak over the death of a kitten, on Facebook. Now, I’m not a Facebooker… Never have been, and never will be, but truly, I relish these kinds of posts. To see the vet, click Abused Kitten Passes Away.

There are subtitles for those who don’t understand the language he speaks. I was fuming by the time I rounded the corner of the parking lot near my office. But seconds later, I saw the butterfly. I wondered, WTF? Then I flashed back to his anguish – the vet – and thought, this man is so incredibly brave to express his devastation. He admits he’s no saint, but how can anyone who calls themselves human, do such a horrific thing?

This brings me to a few things I am grateful for: One, I thank God for people like the vet; everyday, they see horrors we could never imagine, and yet, also experience amazing miracles. Two, I thank God there are caring humans out there; they are the ones who take in stray cats, dogs, find homes for our larger animal friends, like horses, goats, etc… There are people like me who give free psychic readings to those who donate over $20 to animal rescue orgs, and so many amazing animal rescue organizations all over the world. And finally, to our faith, trust, and balls in forging forward in a world that is filled with evil and yet gets stomped out by the light every time.

The butterfly is quite an amazing creature (I say this with love). There are so many facets to the their beauty, I won’t spend too much time naming them. One thing remains clear: There is grace to be found in the ugliness of this world, and pain unmasked by simplicity, love, and cajones… BIG ONES.

Death’s Greatest Gift; FREEDOM

A walk in the cemetery (Image: by Kimtastic)
A walk in the cemetery with a friend (Santa Fe National Cemetery: Santa Fe, NM)

Happy Independence Day everyone! Odd way to start out this entry – death? Freedom? The reality is, there are no fireworks with death. Unless of course there is unexpected death by stray sparks in a busy park… but no need to get morbid.

What I’d like to say is that there is death all around us in every form; in every way, every day. The leaves that fall off trees, allow for new growth to occur on those branches. The weeds we pull from our gardens, free up space for our vegetables and flowers to grow even more fully and beautifully. Once something is gone, it is replaced; there is an in-between. In between, there is freedom. A moment of emptiness, stillness, silence. Anything can happen in those moments. Sometimes it’s days, months, or years. That empty space is all about freedom.

Freedom leads to independence. I’m in a space just recently, where I have tons of freedom, but I can’t fully enjoy it, or act on it, until some things around me have an ending – a death.

Today, is a day we all celebrate Fourth of July, a federal holiday commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776; the day that the United States formally declared its independence from Great Britain therefore achieving freedom from British rule. But who needs or wants a history lesson? To me, it always feels like so much more is celebrated in achieving and maintaining independence.

It’s about allowing myself to have and understand great gratitude and humility for all I have, all that I am, and for expressing inexpressible thanks to the men and women who have given their lives for us spoiled Americans, to continue on as we do.

So, if death in its scary and intimidating ways, becomes the avenue in which I find the paths that will truly lead me to my own freedom, then I can only say to myself, happy dying… because in the dying, there is living – and the happiness that lies in every corner waiting to accost me, in surprising and demanding ways…

(Thanks for the image Kim!)

A dip in memory

My little man always enjoyed hide and seek! (Image: Sandi Martinez)
My little man always enjoyed hide and seek! (Image: Sandi Martinez)

I really enjoy house and pet-sitting, and I had a wonderful opportunity to do that over the last 4 days. There were 2 cats and 1 dog. The cats always had me on my toes – guessing what they were going to do next… the dog Maddy, was sweet and I truly believe an Angelic being.

What I mean by that, is that not only do dogs go to heaven, they also come from there, and just go back when it’s time. Much like it was time for my long-time animal companion, Samson. The days allowed me to meditate. To rest, and slow down. I sat on the veranda of this beautiful house set in El Dorado, NM, and watched the sun set. Intense oranges, yellows, reds, and purples, mixed as if on a painter’s palette. I saw epic thunder and lightning storms streak across the sky like chariots on fire. I saw sweet birds and hummingbirds feast on the sun, light, and food they gathered. I had time… a rare and strange event. The fact that time had no time limits.

While surfing the TV; satellite with various movies playing at once, I noticed my body relax, and my muscles became mush. This is about the time I worried my brain cells were slowly dying… (I never watch TV). Much to my relief, it was simply my brain taking a reprieve from all the mental gymnastics I make daily; second by second.

Today, my last day, I packed my things, and put them in my car. I played fetch with Maddy, (I’m pretty sure it was me fetching) and I loved on her and told her how much our time together meant to me. As I made my final check, I felt an overwhelming sadness overtake me. Maddy reminded me of my dog Samson who as some of you may remember, passed away this February. She looked deep into my eyes as if she understood my sadness. I tried to be enthusiastic that mom was coming home in just a few hours, but the tears won out, and at last, Maddy walked away and left me to deal with my pain, sadness, and loss.

This is why I believe she is an angelic being; she allowed me to feel my pain without taking it away, and yet her love washed over me in waves. Only an angel can do that.

Many blessings,

Sandi

Missed beats

Santa Fe National Forest (Image: Sandi Martinez)
Santa Fe National Forest (Image: Sandi Martinez)

 

A meandering thought,

stuck in time

a word caught

at the tip of the top

the sun’s gaze

warms the earth beneath

and the earth shudders

in warm relief

A wrong turn

leading to me

and the path yet unborn

that leads back to you

two paths

up the mountain top

and yet nowhere to go

but back down…

now it’s your turn

downward, upward, sideways, upside down – the turns will lead you back

now it’s your turn

©Sandi Martinez