Serenity

lamp 425_pix

I inhale sharply

the pain constricts

like a boa making

its way thru my ribs

 

It hurts, the fear mocks

me as if to say,

“I WIN”

I slump forward

 

But the flash of light

pulls me backward

its warmth too

hard to resist

 

It’s only then I realize

courage does exist

right here, right now

warmth of light shows me how

©Sandi Martinez

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No Excuses…

turtle

Shame on me… my last post appears to be in December of 2017. So, why post now? Four months later?

While I may have no excuses, I suppose I have my reasons. Creativity poses not only opportunities to express, but also, to stop; in stillness  – to look around, to listen to something, albeit a lot of nothing. I think this is where meditation comes in. So why tie meditation and creativity together in this oddball way?

Doesn’t an artist simply splash a bunch of their genius on canvas at any time during the day or night? With nothing to stop or distract from the creative  process? I wish I could give plenty of answers or reasons why an artist, regardless of the medium, creates their best, or worst work…

The turtle may take its sweet time to get from point A, to point B, and in doing so, wastes no time in asking the how’s or why’s in life. I can hazard a guess as to what the turtle is really thinking: Get there in one piece, and watch out for anything that might tip me over…

“Anything that may tip me over”. And that’s where I came to complete stop.

I’ve spent a great deal of the last part of 2017, getting turned back over. Life, challenges, obstacles, self-trepidation, self-delusion, and self-forgiveness led me here – now – to a place of peace. Alas, 2018 has been about peace. The maintenance, nurturing, and suckling of peace, in all areas of my life. Does this mean I only create when there is chaos, confusion, and bunch of badness in my life? Yes and no. The reality is, where there is black, there is white. Evil, there is a sacred energy flowing through everything and everyone. Where there is good, there is bad. A negative has its positive.

Creativity’s job, is to present these energies in their truest forms. I can see better when I have a full unobstructed view of what’s real and what isn’t. Therefore, I create with full expression – unanswerable to all that would require an explanation of the unexplainable. And this is where I will leave it… the quest to express without prejudice, the beauty of all that is, coming to be, and all that is yet to be born – whether good, evil, black, white, and in color.

Many blessings,

Sandi

Shades

waterfall

Shades of blue

reflect what is not you

and the lightest of hues

become what used to be

me

and all along the illusion

became real

a short distance of time

tricked me that you were mine –

the other part of me

that could see

colors dance

vibrant and bright

the lines no longer blurred

this is me,

the me I lost

the me I see

doesn’t belong to anyone

else but

… me

the colors no longer lost

the beauty all around

me, you, all nature within us

©Sandi Martinez

 

Hope Knocks

rainbow_450 pix

And I looked down

and my feet were brown

stained by dirt, and mud

my chin hit my chest

… a loud thud

and I cried

I reached out to thin air

the stuck breaths… I tried

to breathe, to leave

and find myself

 

To put all my troubles on the

top shelf

but the more I walked

my knees locked

my head a big bad mess

would the sadness stop,

become less?

 

Then I saw the streaks

yellow, blue, teak

and the rainbow broke through

and I saw you – my angel

nothing more to do

 

All this time, you were my cue

now I know

the mud will come off

my head will come back up

hope knocks

the door unlocked

 

©Sandi Martinez

Wingless

bird-nest-eggs-blue-158734

I float, skies are brilliant blue

how do I get back to you

me, the reflection stares back

pointing fingers in mid-flight

sideways, up, down,

How do I get back to you, ME…

The air feels smooth, cool

Do I want to come back to Me, You

The reflections smears

Fingerprints unknown

How do I get back to me?

Do I land now, how?

Wingless I left

Wingless I return

No way to land safely

The ground gets closer

I close my eyes

You cheer me on, ME

I can no longer see clearly

My eyes closed,

I come in for the landing

Dirt, rocks, brush, you, YOU, finally you…

©Sandi Martinez

 

 

Polarity

butterflies_450 pix

Dark crawls through jagged edges of

light

Light, suspends its wings

it stops, mid-flight

The flicker pauses

unsure of day or night

Black streaks break up the bright

as flickers of white

race to make it alright

Dark is lost

suspended in time

All can be seen in its

infinite divine

… Dark is lost

 ©Sandi Martinez

A Look Back

WP Snow_Pecos.jpg[Photo Credit: Sandi Martinez]

Wind stops

snow flakes sparkle

seconds pass

spurs on mind’s chaos

winter coats the ground

a crunch underfoot

soon sprouts of green

will grow

just as my thoughts turn to snow

A look back

no better than before

better to know

nowhere to go

but back around

to solid, wet ground

back around to a past

come back around

the cold blows

my mind

knows

time

to

go

by Sandi Martinez

Fear Unborn

blog_Beings unknown

Driving through Chile, NM. A gift; beings unknown… (Image: Sandi’s)

Gone are the days when you looked me in the face

and I turned away

somehow you knew you could stay

Gone are the days

when you stepped on my toes and made me

think it was me, all me

Gone are the days I shook your hand,

making deals you would tread softly and quietly

and Gone are the days I actually believed you

Because you never existed even though

I’ve been torn,

I

am

more

than

lucky

YOU WERE NEVER BORN

©Sandi Martinez

Pain and Grace

Unexpected beauty in the midst of hellish musings. (Image: Sandi's)

Unexpected beauty in the midst of hellish musings. (Image: Sandi’s)

There is no way I can honestly get away from the truth; it seems all kinds of cool things have been happening on my walks at work. Today, I was honored by this Monarch’s presence. During my walk, I had played a video about a vet who had filmed his heartbreak over the death of a kitten, on Facebook. Now, I’m not a Facebooker… Never have been, and never will be, but truly, I relish these kinds of posts. To see the vet, click Abused Kitten Passes Away.

There are subtitles for those who don’t understand the language he speaks. I was fuming by the time I rounded the corner of the parking lot near my office. But seconds later, I saw the butterfly. I wondered, WTF? Then I flashed back to his anguish – the vet – and thought, this man is so incredibly brave to express his devastation. He admits he’s no saint, but how can anyone who calls themselves human, do such a horrific thing?

This brings me to a few things I am grateful for: One, I thank God for people like the vet; everyday, they see horrors we could never imagine, and yet, also experience amazing miracles. Two, I thank God there are caring humans out there; they are the ones who take in stray cats, dogs, find homes for our larger animal friends, like horses, goats, etc… There are people like me who give free psychic readings to those who donate over $20 to animal rescue orgs, and so many amazing animal rescue organizations all over the world. And finally, to our faith, trust, and balls in forging forward in a world that is filled with evil and yet gets stomped out by the light every time.

The butterfly is quite an amazing creature (I say this with love). There are so many facets to the their beauty, I won’t spend too much time naming them. One thing remains clear: There is grace to be found in the ugliness of this world, and pain unmasked by simplicity, love, and cajones… BIG ONES.