Polarity

butterflies_450 pix

Dark crawls through jagged edges of

light

Light, suspends its wings

it stops, mid-flight

The flicker pauses

unsure of day or night

Black streaks break up the bright

as flickers of white

race to make it alright

Dark is lost

suspended in time

All can be seen in its

infinite divine

… Dark is lost

 ©Sandi Martinez

A Look Back

WP Snow_Pecos.jpg[Photo Credit: Sandi Martinez]

Wind stops

snow flakes sparkle

seconds pass

spurs on mind’s chaos

winter coats the ground

a crunch underfoot

soon sprouts of green

will grow

just as my thoughts turn to snow

A look back

no better than before

better to know

nowhere to go

but back around

to solid, wet ground

back around to a past

come back around

the cold blows

my mind

knows

time

to

go

by Sandi Martinez

Fear Unborn

blog_Beings unknown

Driving through Chile, NM. A gift; beings unknown… (Image: Sandi’s)

Gone are the days when you looked me in the face

and I turned away

somehow you knew you could stay

Gone are the days

when you stepped on my toes and made me

think it was me, all me

Gone are the days I shook your hand,

making deals you would tread softly and quietly

and Gone are the days I actually believed you

Because you never existed even though

I’ve been torn,

I

am

more

than

lucky

YOU WERE NEVER BORN

©Sandi Martinez

Pain and Grace

Unexpected beauty in the midst of hellish musings. (Image: Sandi's)

Unexpected beauty in the midst of hellish musings. (Image: Sandi’s)

There is no way I can honestly get away from the truth; it seems all kinds of cool things have been happening on my walks at work. Today, I was honored by this Monarch’s presence. During my walk, I had played a video about a vet who had filmed his heartbreak over the death of a kitten, on Facebook. Now, I’m not a Facebooker… Never have been, and never will be, but truly, I relish these kinds of posts. To see the vet, click Abused Kitten Passes Away.

There are subtitles for those who don’t understand the language he speaks. I was fuming by the time I rounded the corner of the parking lot near my office. But seconds later, I saw the butterfly. I wondered, WTF? Then I flashed back to his anguish – the vet – and thought, this man is so incredibly brave to express his devastation. He admits he’s no saint, but how can anyone who calls themselves human, do such a horrific thing?

This brings me to a few things I am grateful for: One, I thank God for people like the vet; everyday, they see horrors we could never imagine, and yet, also experience amazing miracles. Two, I thank God there are caring humans out there; they are the ones who take in stray cats, dogs, find homes for our larger animal friends, like horses, goats, etc… There are people like me who give free psychic readings to those who donate over $20 to animal rescue orgs, and so many amazing animal rescue organizations all over the world. And finally, to our faith, trust, and balls in forging forward in a world that is filled with evil and yet gets stomped out by the light every time.

The butterfly is quite an amazing creature (I say this with love). There are so many facets to the their beauty, I won’t spend too much time naming them. One thing remains clear: There is grace to be found in the ugliness of this world, and pain unmasked by simplicity, love, and cajones… BIG ONES.

Death’s Greatest Gift; FREEDOM

A walk in the cemetery (Image: by Kimtastic)

A walk in the cemetery with a friend (Santa Fe National Cemetery: Santa Fe, NM)

Happy Independence Day everyone! Odd way to start out this entry – death? Freedom? The reality is, there are no fireworks with death. Unless of course there is unexpected death by stray sparks in a busy park… but no need to get morbid.

What I’d like to say is that there is death all around us in every form; in every way, every day. The leaves that fall off trees, allow for new growth to occur on those branches. The weeds we pull from our gardens, free up space for our vegetables and flowers to grow even more fully and beautifully. Once something is gone, it is replaced; there is an in-between. In between, there is freedom. A moment of emptiness, stillness, silence. Anything can happen in those moments. Sometimes it’s days, months, or years. That empty space is all about freedom.

Freedom leads to independence. I’m in a space just recently, where I have tons of freedom, but I can’t fully enjoy it, or act on it, until some things around me have an ending – a death.

Today, is a day we all celebrate Fourth of July, a federal holiday commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776; the day that the United States formally declared its independence from Great Britain therefore achieving freedom from British rule. But who needs or wants a history lesson? To me, it always feels like so much more is celebrated in achieving and maintaining independence.

It’s about allowing myself to have and understand great gratitude and humility for all I have, all that I am, and for expressing inexpressible thanks to the men and women who have given their lives for us spoiled Americans, to continue on as we do.

So, if death in its scary and intimidating ways, becomes the avenue in which I find the paths that will truly lead me to my own freedom, then I can only say to myself, happy dying… because in the dying, there is living – and the happiness that lies in every corner waiting to accost me, in surprising and demanding ways…

(Thanks for the image Kim!)

Beads

Beads of sweat roll down

in the nick of time,

I catch mine

in the nick of time,

I turn around

and wait to see if you

can really see

the beads are reflections of you

drops of memories free themselves

as they glide down my soft skin

images of you and me and the way

we were bounce back; times gone by

the ones we remember

and the ones that roll around loosely

the string that holds them

no longer taut, no longer strong

but rather a lazy kind of tug

Beads of parts of ourselves

of who we no longer are

Beads of the future gather

around the ground, the path

we walk on, that once led us to

each other,

and now opens to all directions

Beads roll on down in every direction,

I no longer worry… let them roll

LET

THEM

ROLL

BY

© Sandi Martinez

High Five

...and I give you a high-five back... (Image: Sandi Martinez)

…and I give you a high-five back… (Image: Sandi Martinez)

You say this, and say that
and flip a finger back
I catch the motion as if it
were a kiss
but it wasn’t
was it?
I say this and I say that,
and I give you a high-five back,
if it weren’t for your cruelty
I would not know about pay-back
heaven’s no, not that kind,
just the ones we leave behind
Memories, regrets, and middle-finger blows
but who knows?
where we go,
no one knows
Where we are headed,
those whom hate us wish us beheaded.
Where then will we go when we know?
Time to let go
Please let me go…

©Sandi Martinez

Walk, don’t run

Road to the boat ramp in Abiquiu NM-Abiquiu Lake. (Image: Sandi Martinez)

Road to the boat ramp in Abiquiu NM-Abiquiu Lake. (Image: Sandi Martinez)

 

So I came to the realization that running is only just that, ‘running’.  However when walking, I can see so much more.  I can see the sun as it hovers over the earth, and how the colors change and make everything come alive.  I can nearly count leaves on trees, and count trees, and the bushes around them.  I can see how the clouds take shape and become something else, only to turn back into a shapeless shape.

So what I am running from has nothing to do with running away from something – rather it is the illusion that something is better elsewhere.  It is the lie I tell myself when things get rough, and I am too selfish to commit.  I once had a great friend tell me: “You run from commitment”.  Understand, this friend knows me well.  I was bothered by those words and weighed them carefully.

Why should I run toward things or people that wish to dismiss my efforts?  Why should I run towards those whom don’t?  I’ve known for quite some time, that if I run, my tail eventually slaps me in the face!  It hurts: It’s a whipping of sorts that calls for all the drama and sound effects in a bad movie.

So, my first step is to face myself.  In understanding that at the moment, there is nothing to run from, or run toward, I can relax and just keep walking… now where are those great Sketcher walking shoes I am in heaven in, when I walk the solid earth beneath my feet?

Many blessings,

Sandi