The Same

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Push of air

Everywhere

Goose bumps rise

On my skin

Brushes of warmth

And cold

And it’s the same

Ice and fire

Fire and ice

And the chills rise

Leaves shudder

At the slightest touch

And my eyes close

It’s your face

I see

Behind the wind

And your eyes

On fire

©Sandi Martinez

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Heart at war

To err, is to be human. The problem with vulnerability, is that it produces fear. And from there, my ability and readiness to protect my own heart.
(Photo: Herman Pauccara-Frozen Wave Against Sunlight: Pexels.com)


I often wonder lately – is my heart at war, or is war in my heart? What is war? I mean really, countless wars are fought all over the world; civil war in other war-torn countries is paramount. I’m not talking about those wars; it’s my own inner war that I’m going to carry on about. My own heart-torn war.
 
As a spiritual practitioner, I have access to past-life memories. And I remember. All too well. Sins of karmic past won’t be easily maneuvered around. Of those of you reading this, perhaps if only a few, or even if only one of you can relate, well then, I’ve done my job. Remembering my past-lives’ actions isn’t easy. In fact, it’s painful. Remembering battles, I fought in the 13th and 14th centuries as a knight in northern Europe, and beheading and conquering during those gruesome acts, isn’t something to be proud of.
 
Yet strangely, the act of fighting is as natural to me as breathing. Back then, it was to fight for king and country. Now? What do I fight for? Today, April 5, 2019? As I write this, I hear my dolphin wind chimes as they clash, twist, and rub against each other – the music enchanting, beautiful, crisp, and yet calming at the same time. The raging wind casts long shadows of tree branches and small leaf buds as they prepare to spring into life soon – a birth of sorts. A refreshing breeze cleanses and releases the stuffiness of vestiges of winter through my open windows.
 
Today, right now, what am I fighting for? All of that. My right to be human. To allow myself the privilege of feeling. To feel peace as the music of wind chimes fills my living space; to hear the beautiful music of birds as they celebrate the spring, warmth, and summer soon on its way. To give myself permission to feel confusion; that which only the heart can create in such a perfect and chaotic state. And this is where the clash happens – peace and war – war and peace. It’s as if I tell myself I can’t dare to be at odds with myself or others – after all, I strive for spiritual enlightenment. It’s as if I can’t’ be human. And yet, it’s within that vulnerability that peace and wisdom spring forth. To err, is to be human. The problem with vulnerability, is that it produces fear. And from there, my ability and readiness to protect my own heart. A vicious cycle. Yet I insist I can be a peaceful warrior. And that is what my challenge is this year, 2019. What’s yours?
Many blessings,
Sandi




































Heavenly

(Royalty free pics from Pixabay; arid canyon

It’s a tail spin

reeling you in

a fight you

don’t understand

and never asked

to land

And you cringe

at the far edges you hang

at the fringe

the cliff high

your chin scrapes

against the crumbling rock

You find your footing

sound of rock breaking

sound of your fear choking

and your foot slips

in desperation

did you find the right spot?

Where your foot holds

and your body tenses

against the tight mold

that is your mind

as you fight to stay alive

and all for what?

The right to say what is real

what is true

who is you

right on cue

to be punished

to be hung

But your foot is on the right rung

as you hang in the balance

help comes

is it heavenly?

Ii it humanly?

or is it you saving yourself?

©Sandi Martinez

For the Sake of the Unknown

(Color Cosmos from Royalty Free images)

by Marissa Martinez, Special Guest Blogger, Poet

When you fall off the edge

And you hit a wall

Suddenly you can’t breathe

The fear and the stress that build up inside you

Suddenly boils over

Spilling on to all that surrounds you

Making a mess

But then a gentle hand reaches out to touch you

You turn your back too embarrassed

Confusion

Confinement

Now all that left is

Confession

Spilling your guts to the unknown hand

The hand touches your shoulder And now you fall apart

I’m honored to post a beautiful poem written by my niece, Marissa Martinez, adaptation from, For the Sake of the Strangers” by Dorianne Laux.

This was a class assignment in her Creative Writing class on September 26, 2018. I’m very proud of her, and I might add… gifted poets just might run in the family! Thank you Marissa for sharing your poem, and look forward to sharing more in the future, I love you sweetie! -Auntie Sandi

The thing about writing

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Writing really, truly, is a creative and nearly magical process. Even in writing works of non-fiction, there is this place the creator must be: In the head. The mind becomes a block of words. Words that must capture what is funneling through the writer’s mind – thus depositing in as much as a transparent, and articulate flow of intention as possible – into the reader’s mind.

All writers know this. But the thing about writing, is that ‘getting there’ to that place of magical depositing, is the most difficult and frustrating process of writing. Because once you are there, the words take on this wonderful world of their own. Almost as if the words don’t need the writer anymore.

I wish I could be there more often. I wish I could get out of my head, and let the flow of creativity flow through my body, where it would then circle around back and dump all that colorful and wonderful world of magic that has ceased to exist into my empty mind.

But the truth is, I’ve needed to empty my mind. A mental hibernation of sorts was called for in order to get me here; writing this piece about not being there. And so I wait. I wait for the warmth of words, and the fire in the belly, that will expose them and order them into a semblance of story – a perfect chaos of magical ironies, and a hot mess of emotions that will spur me to keep tapping on these keys.

So until then folks… keep writing, reading, and writing until you find yourself again, should you be in a similar place.

Many blessings,

Sandi

 

Divine You

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Sheets of light

Wrap around me

And then flow through me

And suddenly underneath me

 

As if I’m walking on light

So bright

The reflection of white

Bounces back and all around

 

On the ground

Tears abound

How can I deserve this?

Silence, not a sound

 

I close my eyes

Blinding streaks

Burn through

And then I see finally,

The Divine you

 

©Sandi Martinez

Peace, a Natural State of Being

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Intentions – they outline our thoughts, that then lead to action. Simply put, without intention, there is no outline. We may have random thoughts that buzz around what we want, and think is the best course of action. But in reality, when we put those thoughts out to pasture, what seeds will they birth?

My neighbor, (where the above pic is taken) has this amazing apple orchard. It looks as if snow has covered all the trees, and yet conversely, there is grass; water pooling underneath, providing the nutrients these apple trees will need to survive. I was in awe. This pic symbolized peace.

Peace. A natural state of being we can achieve when not held down by negativity, fear, and self-loathing. The kind we do when we chop ourselves up into a million pieces thinking, ‘I could’ve done better’. Peace, the decision I made at the start of 2018. And you may ask, ‘Well, how’s that going so far?’ to which I would respond, ‘Splendidly’. Because if I think even for a minute that all of life’s big bombers have a chance of taking me down, I’ve already failed. But no. That’s not the case.

Serenity is something that we all I would like to think, like to achieve. But really, it’s during the chaos, the pain, the unforeseen bombs that come our way, that if we can maintain a modicum of peace through it all; that peace ultimately is born. Chaos is always there. Peace is always there. Ultimately, it’s a choice. If we maintain peace through the most difficult chaotic moments, we have ultimately slipped on the long-lasting effects of serenity.

That’s the blessing and miracles that peace offers. The constant chance of breathing, exhaling, inhaling, and exhaling again, all the bad, negative, evil, and ugly-tasting things in life, we don’t need to absorb. The things that miracles are made of.

Keep, keeping on…

Many blessings,

Sandi

 

No Excuses…

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Shame on me… my last post appears to be in December of 2017. So, why post now? Four months later?

While I may have no excuses, I suppose I have my reasons. Creativity poses not only opportunities to express, but also, to stop; in stillness  – to look around, to listen to something, albeit a lot of nothing. I think this is where meditation comes in. So why tie meditation and creativity together in this oddball way?

Doesn’t an artist simply splash a bunch of their genius on canvas at any time during the day or night? With nothing to stop or distract from the creative  process? I wish I could give plenty of answers or reasons why an artist, regardless of the medium, creates their best, or worst work…

The turtle may take its sweet time to get from point A, to point B, and in doing so, wastes no time in asking the how’s or why’s in life. I can hazard a guess as to what the turtle is really thinking: Get there in one piece, and watch out for anything that might tip me over…

“Anything that may tip me over”. And that’s where I came to complete stop.

I’ve spent a great deal of the last part of 2017, getting turned back over. Life, challenges, obstacles, self-trepidation, self-delusion, and self-forgiveness led me here – now – to a place of peace. Alas, 2018 has been about peace. The maintenance, nurturing, and suckling of peace, in all areas of my life. Does this mean I only create when there is chaos, confusion, and bunch of badness in my life? Yes and no. The reality is, where there is black, there is white. Evil, there is a sacred energy flowing through everything and everyone. Where there is good, there is bad. A negative has its positive.

Creativity’s job, is to present these energies in their truest forms. I can see better when I have a full unobstructed view of what’s real and what isn’t. Therefore, I create with full expression – unanswerable to all that would require an explanation of the unexplainable. And this is where I will leave it… the quest to express without prejudice, the beauty of all that is, coming to be, and all that is yet to be born – whether good, evil, black, white, and in color.

Many blessings,

Sandi